Can Having Kids Actually Save You Money?

I know what you're thinking. Having kids saves you money? Are you crazy? What about diapers? What about college?!?

On parenting websites, you'll find calculators that let you add up exactly how much money it will cost just to get through your baby's first year of life. I plugged in some numbers, and gasped when I saw the total of just under $7000.00. That's a lot of money, especially considering that we we are also going to be short one income for that year.

The latest estimate for rearing a child until college age is a whopping quarter of a million dollars. I'm assuming that's for upper middle-class people who actually do silly things like calculating the costs of being alive.

Yes, having kids costs money. But guess what? So does not having kids.

Don't believe me? Think of all the things you would be spending money on if you didn't have a living breathing money pit at your feet. Last-minute weekend getaways, eating in fancy restaurants, and shopping for fun used to be your favorite pastimes, now they are nothing but past-times. I've only been doing the mom thing for nine long short months, but I've already noticed how much we've saved by having a baby. Here are several ways that bundle of joy can save you a bundle of cash.

That Estranged Uncle Who Sends Checks in the Mail

You know the one I'm talking about. Good old Uncle Sam. Remember when tax season was a chore? Now it's more like Christmas in the Spring.

This Is Why We Don't Have Nice Things

Your mattress is old. Your coffee table is garage sale quality. Your couch is the color of mud, with good reason. Do you run out and get nice, new stuff? Hell, no! Our daughter is young but we've had a glimpse into the future, and it's not pretty. Or new. 

Beauty is in the Wallet of the Spender

Your once-dazzling line of beauty products has been reduced to a bar of soap, a stick of deodorant, and a tube of toothpaste.  

Days and weeks go by with no makeup, hair, or mani/pedis. You feel primitive and natural. And so freakin' blah. But think of how much you're saving on beauty products!

You buy new clothes all the time. Just not for you. 

You put baby to sleep in her brand new jammies, and when she wakes up in the morning, they don't fit anymore. So it's off to the store. Tiny clothes have tiny price tags, so you can buy more cutsie pink outfits than you can imagine!
Shopping for yourself is another story. A sad story. Nothing fits the way it used to, and you can't quite bring yourself to get "mom" jeans just yet.  There's not much time to find yourself a new style anyway, so you just give up and do everything in your workout clothes. Which brings me to my next point...

Cancel your Gym Membership. Again.

You won't need it anymore. Weight loss is easy and free when you're chasing a toddler, going for daily strolls to the park, and regularly skipping sit-down meals. 

Precious metals have become precious memories.

You know what is really fun? Putting on your favorite string of pearls and forgetting you have them on, so that as soon as you pick up your little one, she wraps her meddling little fingers around the strand and yanks it hard enough to pop the thread, sending hundreds of little choking hazards flying in all directions.
You freeze for a moment, listening to the sound of them clatter onto the floor, like rain hitting the pavement in a storm. It's days like those that you are so glad you don't buy jewelry anymore. In fact, you now loathe all accessories and swear to never again do something so vain as to adorn yourself in fine jewels.

Whine and Dine

You only need to attempt taking your kid to a nice restaurant once. You'll never do it again. Before baby, going out to eat was a treat, a nice way to end to the work week, an easy alternative to cooking. Now you've found that despite the name, tempura does not go well with temper tantrums. And don't forget the huge tip you feel obliged to leave after you notice that your table and the surrounding area looks like it had just been hit by a tornado. You leave the place in a frenzy, thinking, I actually just paid good money for that headache? And that's the end of eating in good restaurants for a long while. Cooking at home is so much easier, and you're saving money as well as your sanity, and every bit counts.

Sleep is free.

And that's really the only thing you want to do. Given the choice, you would choose a few good hours of sleep over going out with friends, shopping, or even eating. Now that happy hour has been replaced by nappy hour, you'll be saving that much more cash each week.

So don't let those scrooges out there scare you into thinking you can't afford to have kids nowadays.
You just need to re-direct the flow of your cash in new directions, and then figure out how to cheat your own system every now and again so that life still feels worth living. It's a crash course in financial responsibility, but the return on your investment is incalculable.